As part of a new decascading communications model, Sennifer Jobanet is running for president in this year’s SGA election. 

Jobanet attended the SGA debate on March 6 where she ran unopposed after all of her opponents were mysteriously unenrolled from UCCS. Her platform focused on increasing students’ awareness of the robotic ice cream machine by the UC Big Cat Coffee. 

The Communique’s Prenna Jess was delighted to hear the news. “Jobanet and I go way, way back,” said Jess. 

Jess first met Jobanet last week. 

After winning this election, Jobanet plans to run for staff and faculty president as well. To hold each of these positions, Jobanet had to enroll in classes.  

“I tried to enroll in the History of Ice Cream, but I was told that wasn’t a real class,” she said, outraged. 

Jobanet then enrolled in finance, thinking her skills in the board game “Monopoly” would catapult her to an easy C-minus.   

Despite previously advocating for cascading communications between different leadership groups on campus, Jobanet now feels that it’s best to consolidate to a single super entity.  
 
“Every time I do something, it takes so long to talk to all those people … Faculty president, Staff president, parking president, president of Colorado, the prime minister of Belgium …” Jobanet said and them rambled for four more hours.  

Jobanet has also decided to consolidate all budget responsibilities on campus and give them to her new Director of Student/Staff/Faculty/Administration/Utilities/Auxiliary/Housing/Dining Finances. She has given this title to Clyde the Mountain Lion, who, she said, enrolled in Finance classes with her and was getting surprisingly good grades. 

When asked if he was excited for his upcoming position by Scribe reporter Dee O’Zonnell, Clyde said: “I am literally a mountain lion.” 

Jobanet’s dream is to become the UCCS chancellor. 

Photo via The Scribe archives.