During the season of love, relationship status becomes a relevant topic of discussion no matter how you celebrate. There’s one dynamic that sneaks up on you and makes you question everything you thought you knew about love and connection: the situationship.
This undefined, romantically charged relationship built on passion, electric emotional connection and lack of emotional availability leaves its victims trapped in a limbo between casual dating and soulmates.
I highly advise you to avoid it, but if you find yourself trapped in a situationship, here is a list of tips to navigate the uncertainty of a situationship.
Know the signs and symptoms
Unsure if you’re on the receiving end of a situationship? Your partner might dance around terms and phrases that provide any confirmation of commitment. You might feel deeply connected, but if they’re adverse to future-oriented talk, look out.
They might take you on dates, constantly call or text you, spend as much time with you as possible and express intense affection for you. Sometimes they even introduce you to their friends and family, but don’t be fooled.
This honeymoon phase leads to a cycle of ghosting, friend-zoning and setting you aside to explore their other options before coming back and repeating the cycle.
It might reach the depths and feelings of a real relationship, but there’s no genuine progression or milestones.
This juxtaposition can leave you feeling confused and unsure of where you stand, but you still might find yourself constantly thinking about them. This is the titular symptom of a situationship.
Understand your wants and needs
People are drawn to each other for a number of reasons, but it’s crucial to take into account your differences and your intentions for the relationship.
Whether you’re looking to lock something down with a flighty partner or attempting to keep things casual, setting clear boundaries will help you protect your best interests as you proceed. Having a conversation with yourself about your intentions before diving in headfirst will give you the opportunity to build yourself a solid foundation.
The situationship is often the result of one person expecting a different outcome than the other, so be aware that they likely can’t give you what you need. Situationships don’t tend to yield healthy relationship-oriented results, especially if the other person avoids voicing their intentions.
Steer clear if you’re looking for something more serious and committed. You might be the prime target if you’re more willing to emotionally invest, putting you in the danger zone for unrequited love, yearning and heartache.
There is no shame in wanting something casual or committed, but do yourself a favor and know your intentions early so your relationship trajectory is clear before the warm, comforting guise of a situationship sinks its teeth in.
Don’t be afraid to pop the question
Asking “what are we?” is typically avoided by both parties as long as possible to keep the situationship going (for better or for worse).
It’s a scary question, but leaving it unspoken can either set you up for a successful situationship, or an unsuccessful relationship, depending on how you look at it. Don’t hesitate if you’re left pondering — ask your partner what you are as a couple.
Situationships are notoriously known as a loophole to evade the label, but an unlabeled relationship is a losing game when two people are not on the same page.
Being left in the dark not knowing your relationship status is a shaky position to be in, so asking for some clarification to stabilize yourself is more than fair.
Know the difference between love and limerence
Are you in love or limerence? It’s easy to get these confused, but knowing the difference will make it easier to decipher your feelings.
Love is a deep, devoted, mutual romantic connection, while limerence is essentially a one-sided crush on crack and can be broken down into three stages:
- Infatuation — the curiosity stage that quickly evolves into a borderline obsession where you might find them at the front and center of your thoughts.
- Crystallization — the delusional stage where you put on your rose-colored glasses, and you refuse to take them off no matter what your partner does.
- Deterioration — the reality stage when you finally realize the intense feelings you have for your partner are unrequited and you essentially go through a breakup without the closure of an actual breakup.
Spend time with yourself
Ultimately, you need to prioritize yourself in a way that your partner won’t. Even though it’s a long road to recovery, recognizing your self-worth will give you the strength to move on.
Situationships hit you the hardest when you’re afraid to be alone, so learn how to spend time with yourself and be OK with being alone sometimes.
Take up a new hobby, rediscover old ones and channel the time and energy you spent on your situationship into yourself and your loved ones. Being surrounded with healthy connections will show you how you deserve to be treated in the future.
When the time is right, you will be ready to find your person, and I can guarantee you that they won’t leave you guessing.
Photo by Ricky Kharawala on Unsplash.